Cara Delevingne Opens Up About Experiencing ‘Self-Hatred’ During Her Childhood

Cara Delevingne says she grew up feeling “disgusted” by the idea of having a same-sex partner, as she was raised in “an old-fashioned household.” The 28-year-old model admitted she was “ashamed” by her sexuality while talking to Gwyneth Paltrow during her popular Goop podcast in March 2021, per People.

“I grew up in an old fashioned household. I didn’t know anyone who was gay,” she told Paltrow before adding, “I was like, ‘Oh my god, I would never [be gay], that’s disgusting, ugh.” Delevingne, who now lives in Los Angeles (per Architectural Digest) grew up in the affluent and exclusive area of Belgravia in London. “I didn’t know that [homosexuality] was a thing and actually I think growing up I wasn’t knowledgeable of the fact I was homophobic,” Delevingne said.

Heralding from a family of aristocrats, Delevingne’s father is a property developer, while her mother is a personal shopper for Kate Middleton. Her grandmother was also lady-in-waiting for the late Princess Margaret, per Tatler. The Carnival Row actor, who now identifies as pansexual, said on the Goop podcast that her struggles with social identity saw her contemplate suicide. “I do correlate the massive depression and the suicidal moments of my life [to that] because I was so ashamed of ever being that. But actually that was the part of me that I love so much and accept.”

While Delevingne has dated both men and women, her most recent high-profile relationships have been with singer St Vincent and Pretty Little Liars actor Ashley Benson.

Cara Delevingne said she wishes she could be 'straight'

Cara Delevingne told Gwyneth Paltrow her sexuality is still “really complicated” to this day, per People. “There is still a part of me where I’m like, ‘Oh, I wish I could just be straight’. There is still that side to it. It is really complicated,” she said on the Goop podcast.

Delevingne, who’s known for her unkempt eyebrows, revealed she was pansexual during an interview with Variety back in June 2020. Unlike bisexuality, those who identify as pansexual are not limited in their sexual choice by biological sex, gender, or gender identity. “However one defines themselves, whether it’s ‘they’ or ‘he’ or ‘she,’ I fall in love with the person – and that’s that. I’m attracted to the person,” Delevingne told magazine.

The English rose was previously linked to singers Jake Bugg, Harry Styles, and St Vincent, but most recently ended a relationship with Ashley Benson after two years. The couple split in May 2020 after their relationship had reportedly “run its course” per Daily Mail. 

Delevingne said on the Goop podcast that her modeling career has also mimicked her “constantly changing” sexuality, having begun as a “feminine” woman to her showing off an edgy, androgynous look. However, she admitted it took some time for the industry to accept it — she was previously “unhappy” having to fit the model mold. “I love being a woman and dressing up and doing all that, but I also love being a rough and tumble ‘man.'”

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please contact the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741, or call the National Alliance on Mental Illness Helpline at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264).

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