Vicky Pattison gets candid about weight gain after ’drowning’ in anxiety

The Geordie Shore star is back at the Jason Vale’s Juicy Oasis Retreat – where she regularly goes to reset – and has taken the opportunity to reflect on what she’s called a “transitional period in her life”.

Vicky, 32, shared two pictures of herself in swimwear – one from last year and a more recent one – and noted the difference in the two people in the reflection.

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Another week finished at my fave place in the world & as always leaving @juicemasterretreats has made me reflective- it was almost exactly a year ago from when I was last here & as you may be able to see from these pictures- it’s been a transitional period indeed. This 1st body might look healthy, might look lean & toned- but it wasn’t the product of hours in the gym, yoga classes or healthy eating- it was the product of almost giving up. Of actually being too heartbroken & lost to eat. I just couldn’t bring myself to eat or care about anything. All I could focus on was all the negative. This girl didn’t sleep, & when she did she would wake up crying & shaking, I had anxiety, I was stressed. I was so petrified of my own phone ringing & there being more bad news I was scared to pick it up but at the same time needing it near me as some sort of emotional crutch or security blanket. I spent my week away posting a slew of half naked pictures in some sort of desperate & misguided act of defiance. As if by showing the world that I was thin & toned I was showing them I was somehow ok & strong. Underneath it all I wasn’t- I was drowning in the grief of a lost best friend, a lost relationship & the loss of the future I had planned for myself. Fast forward a year and I am a different person. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve got a couple extra lumps and bumps that I’d prefer weren’t there and I’ve definitely added to my cellulite collection but I AM HAPPY! Do you know what I see when I look at the 2nd picture? A girl who wouldn’t give up. Who has fought for what she knows she deserves. I see my amazing year filled with love, laughter & beautiful people. I see my late night nuggets in bed with a remarkable man, I see silly nights out with the girls I couldn’t live without. I see Pt sessions and charity bike rides, adventures with my mam- I see strength 💙 (I also see nipples so sorry about that- it was abit chilly 😂) This is just a little reminder for anyone struggling- all those old cliches are true. Time is the best healer, you will look back and laugh, what is meant for you will not pass you by and it will get better.. .. oh so much better. Mark my words ♥️

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Although to an outsider Vicky looked “thin” and “toned” in the snaps from last year, she admits she was “broken” following the death of her best friend Paul Burns and her tumultuous split from ex-fiancé John Noble.

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“This 1st body might look healthy, might look lean & toned- but it wasn’t the product of hours in the gym, yoga classes or healthy eating- it was the product of almost giving up. Of actually being too heartbroken & lost to eat.

“I just couldn’t bring myself to eat or care about anything. All I could focus on was all the negative. This girl didn’t sleep, & when she did she would wake up crying & shaking, I had anxiety, I was stressed. I was so petrified of my own phone ringing & there being more bad news I was scared to pick it up but at the same time needing it near me as some sort of emotional crutch or security blanket.

“I spent my week away posting a slew of half naked pictures in some sort of desperate & misguided act of defiance. As if by showing the world that I was thin & toned I was showing them I was somehow ok & strong. Underneath it all I wasn’t- I was drowning in the grief of a lost best friend, a lost relationship & the loss of the future I had planned for myself.”

Now, having moved on with new beau Ercan Ram, Vicky has branded herself a “different person”. And after years of her weight fluctuating, the star said she’s finally “happy” in her own skin.

READ MORE: VICKY PATTISON SETS THE RECORD STRAIGHT ON ENGAGEMENT RUMOURS

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Huge THANKYOU to @jasonvale and all the amazing team at @juicemasterretreats for having me and @ercan_ram this week!! As always the stay has been perfect and exactly what I needed. We’ve juiced, hiked, swam and trained and now we feel shiny new and ready to ruin it again all over Christmas 😂😍🎄🐷🥂 I’ll never be able to THANKYOU enough for providing me with somewhere I feel safe- it’s like whatever I need I can find there. There have been times when Juicy Oasis has been my sanctuary when I’ve needed to hide from the world but this time I wanted something different. I arrived tired but positive and excited for what 2020 holds. I was able to rest, recover and take stock of what an amazing and busy year it’s been while also getting excited for next year, working out my plans and goals. I’m very grateful for the opportunity to take time to myself in such h a beautiful place- THANKYOU big fish for having us both… 😂😍🐠

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“Fast forward a year and I am a different person. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve got a couple of extra lumps and bumps that I’d prefer weren’t there and I’ve definitely added to my cellulite collection but I AM HAPPY.”

Now, when Vicky looks in the mirror she sees a body made up of all her favourite moments.

“I see my amazing year filled with love, laughter & beautiful people. I see my late night nuggets in bed with a remarkable man, I see silly nights out with the girls I couldn’t live without. I see Pt sessions and charity bike rides, adventures with my mam – I see strength.”

Vicky’s inspirational post – aimed to remind those who are “struggling” with their own self-worth, comes just days after she was forced to deny rumours she’s engaged to Ercan.

She told Heat magazine, “Contrary to popular belief, I can actually have a good day without getting engaged at the end of it! So, no, I’m not engaged and I’m not pregnant.”

That’s us told!

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