Bill Maher Calls Election For Biden Because Networks “Too Chickensh-t”; Trump Finally “On The Other End Of An Eviction Notice”

Joe Biden won the election, Bill Maher declared Friday, although you wouldn’t know it watching network anchors obsess about tens of votes in counties from four remaining states where the former VP is ahead and over the top in electoral votes

“The networks are still too chickensh-t to call it,” said the host of HBO’s Real Time With Bill Maher. (Biden addressed the nation Friday, saying, “The numbers tell us a clear and convincing story. We are going to win this race.”)

“No matter who you voted for, we can be proud that we live in the third most democratic country in North America,” said Maher, slamming the President’s performance last night claiming Michigan (“Who is he, Balboa?”) and calling votes that eroded his lead illegal. “He’s throwing a tantrum … He doesn’t like that for the first time he’s on the other side of an eviction notice.”

“Trump’s like, ‘I’ve seen some dirty tricks from the Democrats, but counting all the votes? That’s a step too far!’” Maher said, gleefully teeing up a grainy “Farewell Douchebags” photo homage to Stephen Miller, Bill Barr, Betsy DeVos, Kayleigh McEnany, Kellyanne Conway, Steven Mnuchin, Donald Trump, Jr, Jared and Ivanka, Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump.

Yet he’s concerned. “No matter what, we have a stalker. He is the ex-husband who kills his family on Christmas Eve.”

Some seventy million people voted for Trump, many have guns. If he convinces them the election was stolen, what then? he asked his panelists.

U.S. Counterterrorism Intelligence Officer and MSNBC contributor Malcolm Nance who monitors right wing terror group recalled the “convoys of 200 trucks we saw at the runup to the election. What happens when they start blocking highways? In their world, Donald Trump remains president… There’s a  level of fanaticism I have only seen in some Middle East terrorist groups.”

Tristan Harris, co-founder of the Center for Humane Technology, who is featured in Netflix’s The Social Dilemma, blamed Facebook et al. “We are ten years into this mind war where we are being fed an individualized reality,” he said. Social media “took the reality we shared and put it through a paper shredder.”

“Conspiracy theories warp your perception of everything that comes after,” he said.

Maher would like some red-blue mutual appreciation. “I don’t want to live in a country without the red states. When people talk to you in Oklahoma, they’re not scanning the room to see if there’s someone more important. Because frankly if I’m there, there usually isn’t. They don’t have a non-dairy, gluten-free, hypo-allergenic stick up their ass.”

Maybe one blue-red couple can lead the way, he said, closing with a plea to Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton — “Get married, do it quickly and make it stick forever. No pressure.”

 

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